Sunday, May 21, 2006 @ 9:27 PM
* sadded`
[21:41] * RooP is Mesmerised by: BeForU - Scenario [04:24m/192Kbps/44KHz]to tell the truth, this week is very horrible. lost my appetite throughout the week, till now still haven fully recover yet. guess i might slim down also? no mood in doing stuff. mood swings now n then. nearly blew my top off when one of my TAs called me asking for technical advice cos i felt he could handle it rather than asking me. i suddenly felt my hair is so irritating, wont keep to the styling i wanted. and yesterday i lost my handphone's protective cover mysteriously. lost one of my ear piece rubber out of nowhere. then my baby car suddenly got stinky due to a melted rubber shield. lost of sleep. dun care bout traffic rules. speeding throughout the last week. yep all in one week, all in 7 days, all in 24X7 hours.
this is just not me. I apologise to those whom i might have offended in a way or another. Its all becos of a four letter word. cos of this word, i had the chance to felt the impact for the first time of my entire life.
yep, im out of love. or to be precise, theres no need to pursue further. cos she got nother half already. the first day i knew, i nearly couldnt take it. nearly had an accident. imagine you received the sms when you are driving the time. my mind was blank for that instance. my reaction suddenly halt to a standstill. so there i was, stopping by a bus stop for a grasp of reality. i asked how long already. the ans a month. great. one month later then let me noe. at that point of time, i was feeling angry more than sad. but when i simmered down, i thought, mabbe she cant bring it to let me know. i wished her all the best but my heart was aching inside painfully. which also means i could have lost to a guy who only knew her for a month. sighz. i confessed to her 2 months ago and was rejected. so in order not to spoil our relationship, i decided to let her have some time to return back to normal. i believe to most of you out there would think, you lost out is due to your inactiveness. but i think likewise. i tot by giving her time to return back to normal, i could start over again slowly. but all was gone in a blink of an eye. i will never forget the date n time it happened. dejected and felt lost, i switched off my car's aircon, wind down the windows, blast my stereo and stepped on my accelerator n sped off home.the impact was eminent. the food which my mum cooked suddenly become tasteless for me. damn. i lost my taste buds. =( couldnt even finish my dinner but i force myself to eat at least all the rice. my mind was thinking nothing but her. lied on my bed also her. sleeping the time also think of her. WAH LANZ. the feeling is damn horrible lah. cant help it. first time feeling that way. though i convey blessings to her but in my mind i just cant take it. had to act normally without others knew. but i said to myself. i shall not whine about why like this why like that to her online or offline. cos im not such a loser. cos whats done is already done. it cant be undone. the feeling really ish the sux to the core. too much things had happened in may. cant wait for may to go by. i can only reflect on myself why i failed. to think back, i think is really me. i cant blame her. really. but i din regret. cos i make known of my feelings to her before already. all i can say is the guy is one hell of a lucky fella to get such a good ger. if he dun treasure her and theres opening by the time i still havent got over, im not going to hesitate. but i dun think so. giving up is not going to be easy. but i will try. lets just hope that time will heal my wound.to the gal out there. if you happen to read this, which i think is highly minimal. i still like you. really. i wont use "love" this word cos love is not described by just the 4 letters itself. if got the chance again, actions are the best words to describe it. wish you all the best with your new found half. guess it will be a long time before i get over it. think i will concentrate more on work bah. going to take a short break. hopefully all is well for me."Racers are lonely souls..."
